Welcome to my own self.

Before taking the English Literature class I've never done much thought about identity. I mean, I have, but I haven't really understood what it might have meant in my personal life.

Who am I? Am I a product of the society I'm in? Am I the product of my parents' education? Am I what I study? Or am I the people I surround myself with? And finally, is there a right question?

Last night I had the canche to figure out "on my own" who I am.

Who am I when in a relationship? I thought I found the one, I really did. And then the one turned his back on me. And my world crumbled. What If I say I was built on brick of carelessness and crumbs?  Then I tried to get myself back up, and step by step I did. Or so I thought. Trusting anyone may be tricky, bare naked in front of a person may be devastating. Devastating in a way that isn't either positive or negative, just devastating.

[...] Solitude fits me like a glove.

I did, I bared my soul naked in front of him and he used that against me. He used what I cherish most, the ME I so hardly have built rejection by rejection, sadness by sadness, piece by piece as I tried to put them together, once they tore me to shreds. He used my identity against me. 

Who am I? 

I thought I was the kind of person no one could put down any more. And I was wrong. So wrong. If a relationship doesn't work, it simply doesn't, but what if the problem is you? 

And so I tried to be numb and act as everyone else act: carefreely and stupidly. That wasn't always my cup of tea. Unfortunately I always knew I'm not the whoring around kind. I don't long for casual sex, I want to be loved, embraced and kissed. I want love, not lust. And how do you find love in a lust-ruled world? Well, let me know, if you find out.

Who am I?

I am the one who does what he wants. And no one can ever say otherwise. Accept me for who I am, not for what I'm supposed to be.

Yeah, that's who I am. I am me. Always and forever, even if it means that I'll die an old maid with five hundred cats. And my forties are fast approaching.

I know you'll read this, and I know you'll find it hard to understand. They would say it was well played, because yes, it was intentional.